


A Photograph

by thatguyfromthatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Anyways, Cancer, Crying, Death, Illness, M/M, Sad Cas, Sorry Not Sorry, another sad fic, coz im horrible like that, hella angst, married, trying to converse in the tags, well the death isnt depicted, well you guessed it, wow will you look at me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 11:53:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6327796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatguyfromthatthing/pseuds/thatguyfromthatthing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel returns to his home, as he does every year, and this year will be no different. A bit of remembering, a bit of crying and a bit of dying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Photograph

**Author's Note:**

> Just wanna mention that when the nurse call Cas " Alonzo Moscone", I'm referring to season season 5 episode 3, when Cas and Dean go on a case together and Cas shows his badge upside down. I did change the family name, because Dean's name was Eddie Moscone and Cas had to have a matching family name because they're married (and decided to change their fake badges so they have the same family names, they're are adorable dorks) 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Castiel closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath as he sat down on a dusty old worn chair. His fingers drummed along the arm rests. He sat there, not wanting to open his eyes, knowing that he couldn’t face the memories that simply waited to be rediscovered.  He knew that everything was the same, nothing had moved since… how much time had it been? More than a few years for sure. The sheets were still thrown carelessly across the bed, the chairs were still sitting, a bit askew, on the tiled kitchen floor.  But there was one thing missing. One very important thing, more important that everything that the house carried, more that Castiel himself.

_“Cas! You’re so cheesy!” Dean laughed, squeezing the angel in a hug._

_“I can’t help it” Cas replied, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, visibly enchanted by the other man’s enthusiasm._

Running his fingers through his messy hair, he slowly blinked, thinking back at the memory. The familiar ache in his chests returned, forcing him into taking deep breath. When he manages to recollect himself from the sudden surge of emotions, the fallen angel pushed himself up, hoping that this time, he would be able to make it until the end. He made his way to the living room, passing the bathroom and guest room. His feet resonated loudly in the empty house, one that once carried laughter and jokes through the walls. The dust rose brusquely with each step, only to make its way back down, once again covering the wooden floor. He stopped at the door frame of the living room, taking in his surroundings. A low table was placed in the middle of the room and a worn down couch. He smiled softly at the furniture, remembering that it would a reason for their constant bickering.

_“Cas, come on! We don’t need a new one” Dean said, exasperated by his husband’s stubbornness._

_“But Dean! It’s broken!” the angel snapped, staring the man down with determination in his gaze._

_“Damnit Cas, we can fix it!” the other man threw his arms up in frustration._

_Cas turned around, lips pulled down in a frown and crossed his arms, not wanting to listen to Dean’s arguments._

The memory brought out a soft chuckle from the man standing in the doorway. He lingered there for a few more moments, trying to prepare himself emotionally. Taking in a deep breath, he stepped in to the room and waited. For what, exactly? Well, for a certain green eyed man to come barging in, shouting about a new hunt, or a huge moose to quietly sit down, talking about his life with Eileen. But, of course, none of that happened. A sigh slipped past his lips as he let his gaze trail around. He abruptly stopped, when he noticed a bookshelf, covered in pictures. He stared at it, wide eyed, not knowing what to do. From here, he could see the twinkle in Dean’s eyes, the bright smile and the joy that seemed to animate him. One step at a time, he carefully walked towards it, as if he expected it to disappear at any given moment. The house creaked under his uncertain footsteps, as if it was complaining at his slow and unsteady pace.

When Castiel finally reached the shelves, he was doing his best not to run away, not to have to deal with the pain that came with remembering. Delicately, as if a simple thought would shatter it, the angel picked the first framed picture of many. They were all lined up; each and every single one of them, a second that was captured in a picture, eyes never blinking and smiles wide. But, that was what they were, a single breathless moment of happiness that never lasted for long, but managed to continue existing through his memories.

The bright face of a grinning man stared at him, carefree, simply looking happy. He eyes twinkled with glee and looked right at him, as his hands were placed on his hips, head slightly tilted to the side. His whole posture was relaxed and that only was enough to make Castiel’s knees go weak. The moments when Dean’s brow wasn’t creased in worry, or his face scrunched up in frustration at himself, at the world, were scarce, a rare ray of light that could light up any path, no matter how dark.

_“Dean! He shouted, gesturing the man to turn around, camera ready in hand._

_“What is it?” The green eyed man whirled around, hands on his hips, a teasing smile playing on his lips. The angels grin widened as he quickly snapped a picture of the sight in front of him._

_“Oh, hey! I wasn’t ready!” His husband blushed; obviously delighted by the attention he was receiving. He walked up to the man he grew to love and snaked an arm around him, steadying him in a side hug. Sighing happily, Castiel placed his head on Dean’s shoulder, and raised the camera to their faces. He hummed gently and proudly showed the picture to the man, face stretched in a smile, waiting for a reaction._

The angel gently placed the frame back, moving to the next one. A small sad smile tugged at the corners of his lips. The happy memory lingered in his mind as he picked up another frame, placed a bit further than the first one.  Frowning at the dust that had gathered on the glass, he quickly wiped it away with the sleeve of his trench coat and brought the frame up to his eyes. On the picture, Dean and Sam were sitting on a bench, most likely in a park, eyes crinkled as they laughed at something. Dean’s head was thrown back, crow feet showing at the corners of his eyes and Sam was bending forward, grabbing his sides as he laughed along with his brother.

The light framed them and added a gentle glow to their bodies and the grass surrounding them. The dust floating added an almost magical aura to the picture. Closing his eyes, Castiel made no effort to stop the memory engulfing him.

_“Oh my god, Sam! You should have seen your face!” Dean exclaimed, face stretched in a grin as he looked at his brother. Sam turned a striking shade of red as he hid his face in his hands._

_“Dean, stop embarrassing your brother, it was just one mistake” Castiel noted, barely looking up from where he was sitting, inspecting a particular flower in shades of purple. He rolled the delicate organic paper in his fingers, frowning when of them partially ripped._

_“But seriously! Sam, didn’t you see that the girl was wearing a ring? On her wedding finger?” Dean cried out, quickly dissolving into giggles at the sight of his brother’s flushed face. “You have to admit, it was funny.”_

_Sam turned his back to the hysterical man next to him and crossed his arms, pouting at his own stupid actions. It was just this once! It wasn’t his fault he missed the flashing golden ring on her finger when he asked her out. Finally he built up the courage to talk to, no even better, ask out a girl he was fond of and guess what? She was married. Groaning, he stared at his feet, embarrassment slowly fading away. He scrapped his shoes at the grass, watching the browning leaves lift up and slowly drift back down, undisturbed by the worries of the world._

_“Okay, it was kinda funny” he admit quietly to his brother was currently talking to Cas about something, though not daring to turn around and face him._

_“See? Even you’re starting to see it!” Dean grinned and threw an arm around Sam._

_Minutes later, they were both doubled over, laughter spilling out their lips as they wheezed for breath, never once the smiles leaving their lips. Seizing the opportunity, Cas pulled out the camera Dean had got him for their anniversary and snapped a picture of them both. He quickly pocketed the device and joined them, wishing this moment would never end._

One by one, Castiel made his way around the frames, remembering each and every single memory. Some would leave him breathless, others would leave him with fresh tears in his eyes, he would either laugh or longingly stare at them until, he snapped back into reality, a nostalgic smile on his lips.

But there was always one he could never manage to get through. That one would always twist his heart in the most painful ways possible and leave him wheezing, gasping for breath as he would brokenly lay on the floor.  His breaths shaky, he nervously eyed the frame, sitting innocently in a forgotten corner of a shelf, but the memory itself would never leave Castiel’s mind, let alone leave _him._ Slowly, he picked it up, turning it around to avoid staring into the green eyes that looked back at him, bearing pain yet happiness, and looked incredibly tired. Taking in a deep breath, He switched the frame’s side around, and bore his eye’s into the green one’s he loved. Dean’s face was sickly pale and hallow but was still smiling, despite his obviously ill state. He was wearing a hospital gown and was sitting in an immaculate white bed. Light poured in from a window behind him an illuminated the room. He sat next to Castiel, whose arm was draped around Dean’s hips, holding him close. The blue eyes man’s eyes watered when he saw how thin and vulnerable Dean’s body looked in the picture, he had forgotten how badly he was affected by cancer. Choking back a sob, he shut his eyes tight as the memory washed over him. Before he could even make an effort to stop, his mind was already remembering and reliving the dreadful moment he had tried so desperately to forget .

_A noise startled him out of his trance. His head snapped up and he scrambled to his feet, eyes franticly darting around, looking for the source of the noise. Again, the sound made itself known as well a faint buzzing in his pocket. Relaxing, Castiel sat back down on his (no, their) bed and reached for his phone. His heartbeat picked up when he saw who was calling. Nervously biting his lip, he unlocked the device and brought it up to his ear._

_“Hello?” he nervously started, dread settling in his stomach, fearing the worst._

_“Is this Alonzo Moscone?” a feminine voice asked._

_Castiel furrowed his brows in confusion and was about to answer no, but realization hit him._

_“Um, yes. Are you calling because you have news about my husband’s state?”Castiel’s voice sounded small and uncertain in the empty room, bouncing off the walls._

_An uneasy silence followed his statement, and with each passing moment, he grew more and more nervous. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt and spoke again, less loudly:_

_“H-Hello?”_

_He heard a sharp intake of breath, as if the nurse on the other side was preparing herself to announce him something. No, he’s alright, you can’t give up on him now, he scolded himself for fearing the worst._

_“I’m afraid that your husband has unfortunately passed away”_

And with those few words, Castiel’s life had fallen apart, as if the very fabric of existence was ripped from under his feet leaving him tumbling down a dark and never-ending tunnel.

 Tears started rolling down his cheeks, twin streams, as he fell to his knees, a sob erupting from him, remembering the feeling of loss that had filled him to the brim upon hearing the news. His shoulders shook and his nose was running but he couldn’t care less. He was gone.

Dean was gone.

 The man who taught him about free will and freedom. The man who laughed and joked with him. The man who’s eyes twinkled when he talked about something he liked. The man who had a gentle side that only he knew about. The man who had saved him countless times. The man who never got a second chance. The man who was unfairly ripped away from him. The man he loved.

Tears blurred his vision as he gasped for breath, lying brokenly on the wooden floor, wishing he could sink in the ground and disappear.

He shut his eyes tight and whimpered as he curled onto himself tighter, wishing he could forget about everything. The photographs, the house, everything. He curled his fist and let out a broken sound, making no move to get up from where he crumbled. Silently letting the tears curve their way down his face, leaving shallow shells as they slipped away, he slowly recovered from the rush of the memory. But he knew it would never truly leave him. The beaming smile would still flash into his mind when he expected it the least and the ghostly feeling of strong hands roaming on his body in an adoring fashion would still take his breath away.

He laid there, eyes staring into the ceiling, lifeless and dull. The tears and snot dried and the fluids cracked on his face but he made no move to wipe them away. Well, until he heard the engine of a car roar in the distance. Scrambling to his feet, blinded by hope he knew would be crushed, it always was, he rushed to the window on the other side of the room and hastily pulled the curtains open, peering out the opening, half expecting a black ’67 chevy impala to drive up, with a smiling man waving to him. The other half already knew that was never going to happen. Still, the sight of a red minivan still made his heart ache.

He turned around and let his eyes roam around the room. Straightening himself, he tugged at his tie to arrange it. With a sigh, he brushed himself off and wiped of the dried tears.  He walked out of the room with a sad smile lingering on his lips as he tried to take in everything in at once.

The past was something that was always going to haunt him and he knew for a fact that it would never stop, but that didn’t mean he had to stop living.

With one last meaningful glance towards his old house, he locked the wooden door behind him, silently promising his return next year. Turning around, he jogged up to the car that was parked up on the road and plastered his best assuring smile on his face. Inside the vehicle, a woman waved at him and gestured him to hurry.

Indeed, the life he lived with Dean would never be erased from his mind and would never be bested, but today, he had a wife and home to get back to.

__  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments, kudos and critics are very appreciated !!
> 
> just wanna add that Cas's wife loves him, but he dosen't really love her, he's kinda using her to get over Dean. yeah.


End file.
